!!

aaaaaaahhhh
ahh
aaaaaaahh
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh
ahhh
aaaahhh

total state of shock

Oh my god.
Oh my god, kids.
OH MY GOOOOD!!!!!

96 dollar fine
on my library card
And they're turning me in to a collection agency

DIOS.
Excuse me, I'm hyperventilating.

Emily

Tell me we don't ROCK.

Yes, we played tonight. Yes, we played amazingly well. AND YES, WE WON!!!!!!!!

Yes, I also had a coffee and two cokes today.

And yes, I am very happy. :)

Emily

Hard Love

"That's really what writing is, isn't it? Searching for the magic words. So I guess I'd have to say, this is what keeps me going, figuring out what I have to say and putting it down on paper, word by word."

From Ellen Wittlinger's Hard Love

I'd also recommend this new site I found...

Livejournal Secrets

(Make sure to click on the "more" link beneath each photo.)
Pretty AMAZING stuff

--EmILiA

frustration

i hate it when nothing is ever good enough

The thing about friendship...

What sucks about being Emily ---
she's realized her mind, and more importantly, her heart, and what they tell her, often are not right.
So now it's really hard to tell if someone is real, or simply fucking with her mind.

Help?

EmILiA

The Raconteurs--"Steady as She Goes"

Got Anxiety?

Teen Angst Central

www.tangst.blogspot.com

Send your deepest darkest secret, hope, or ANGST into cyberspace...anonymously!

weekends suck sometimes

I had a breakdown this morning and started crying my eyes out. Then I found out my Mom miscarried her baby and cried for the rest of the morning. Then I sat around for hours like a zombie, only half-awake. Took children to the playground and spun myself around on a swing for about half an hour, singing and talking to an imaginary friend.

I think a cool breeze can be healing sometimes.

EmILiA

Sweet Inspiration

www.postsecret.blogspot.com

If this doesn't inspire you.. I can't tell you what will!

Really amazing website, and an amazing idea.

Check it out, it might just make your day.

Life is once again beginning

Hi guys.
Life is as busy and stressful and exhausting as ever, what with high school back in session. I can't say I enjoy it. But I can say that junior year is somewhat more...more....less nerveracking than freshman and sophomore year.
After spending 2 years with these people, I've kinda stopped caring so much about them.
Like, "OH MY GOD SO-AND-SO IS LOOKING AT ME WITH A DIRTY LOOK !!! DOES THIS MEAN SO-AND-SO DOESN'T LIKE ME??? IIII HAAATTTEEEE SCHOOLLL!!"
No, now I'm kinda in my own happy little world, my head in the clouds, and the other people aren't so important anymore.
I'm telling you, this is the way to live.
Okay, well maybe not with your head in the clouds. Because then you'll be like me and never really know what's going on and then you'll feel stupid when your classmates, expecting you to know everything, ask you questions such as "So for number 5, did you get the square root of negative 7 billion and 2?"
"umm..."

It's okay. I'd rather have my head in the clouds than participate in math, anyways.

Plus when you're not caring about other people...you're naturally more yourself. Not only is it refreshing, but it's attractive. Don't ask me why, but there's just something about someone not giving a fuck that makes people want to talk to them... I mean, think about it. You've gotta know at least one person who does their own thing all the time, without giving a shit about what the people around them think. They'll say what they think, and they'll do what they feel.
Now tell me, are you not totally envious of this person?
Because I am.

~~~~~~~~
The next order of business is that chemistry class can really suck. Especially when your teacher reads your poem in front of the entire class. This isn't just any normal meaningless poem. No, no, no. This is a scripted poem that you really wanted to defy the scripted-ness of. So you took the liberty of going very very deep, and therefore very sappy. Very sappy.
Your teacher reads, "I am the only redhead in my class" and every eye is on you.
Oh no....oh no...FUCK, man, FUCK!!!!
Your teacher continues to read some lines and you bury your face deeper and deeper into your arms as the class gives a chorus of sarcastic "aaaaawwwww"s.

See if I ever write anything again.

~~~~~
I highly recommend Part 1 of Jack's Mannequin's "MFEO". Talk about emotional perfection.

I would also highly recommend working at my new job, because I find it to be quite enjoyable.

Quite...gaah why do I even use these words??
I know...having friends with extensive vocabularies tends to make you a little more ... extensive-vocabulary-ish.
I know there's a word for that, but I aint that extensive.

Love you all lots and lots,

EmILiA

some emotional songs of the day

"Hate (I Really Don't Like You)"
www.myspace.com/plainwhitets --- LISTEN to this song. Hit up "Hey There Delilah while you're at it, that song is still good.

www.purevolume.com/augustana --- "Boston".

www.purevolume.com/mae --- "Someone Else's Arms"

www.myspace.com/annanalick -- "Breathe 2 AM"

That's all for now

Love and pain, (god I sound emo. sorry.)
EmILiA

another entry of little or no significance

Hi friends. I'm actually telling people to read this pointless nothing now...this means that most of my non-existent readers might suddenly burst into existence.
If you are existent, and reading my pointless material...please feel free to leave a comment. It is kind of nice to know who stopped by, you know. And my non-existent readers--they never really left me comments. They aren't the best audience all the time.
Anyways, after my good friend Joe encouraged me to read his blog (www.pillsburyjoeboy.blogspot.com, check it out, he's actually pretty smart even though he did steal my favorite band. (only joking, Joe, but not really.)), I recommended mine in return...then took a look at my own blog, only to discover that it was horribly un-updated. Over a month between posts...now what kind of sad excuse of a writer am I?

Hence, this blog.
Should I write blogs having an idea of something interesting in my mind? Because I usually don't. I sit down and type and the words that come are the words that I have.
It usually works. I mean, I like it. I'm sure you don't.
But what can I say. If you don't like it, leave.
My non-existent readers LOVE my work.
As do I.

So, as you may have realized, it is the middle of August, and guess what? I have started school.
Can you say terrible?
T-E-R-R-I-B-L-E?
Because, look, that's what it is.
Don't get me wrong, I like to see old schoolmates and everything.
But come on, you know I still hate you all.

Okay, I don't. But I really do not like school very much at all. I've been back 3 days and it already seems like weeks.
Good sign? no.
Much like the horrors of last year?
yes.

Enough of this bothersome writing. Desert cravings are entirely overpowering.
I'm sorry this is boring, perhaps next blog entry will hold more interest for you.
But I doubt it.

Love forever and always,
EmILiA RoSe

P.S. I highly recommend Smash Mouth's
"Whole Lotta Love"
and
" You are my Number One"
Tacky love songs, what can I say? I love it.

Teenage Love : Armed and Dangerous

"I love you."
"I love you more."
"I can't live without you."
"You are my everything."
"My baby."
"Sweetheart."
"Querida."
"When we get married..."
"I'll love you forever."
"I'm always here for you."
"You're my only one."
"I love you."

These are the words most of us long to hear, but what are they, really? What is this overwhelming feeling? How can something one is completely sure of suddenly fill them up with doubt? An avoided glance, a missed telephone call, an IM conversation gone drastically wrong, are enough to send one, shaking in anger, and trembling in fear, over the edge.

My question is : why?

What is this sensation we call love? Happiness, sadness, tears, laughter, kisses, jumping hearts, holding hands, ripped-up letters, firey stares, blaring music, beauty, dreams, and above all, pain. What is this love, and why do most of the people on the face of the planet strive for it?

Hurry up, you stupid music

Just Kidding.
Music? Stupid? In the same sentence?? Naaahhh....

Waiting for my Emily's Favorites Mix : Part 4 to finish writing itself.

I've decided that music has got to be my favorite part of the internet.
...
Well, okay, one of them.
All I gotta say, is, myspace is fucking stupid. Oh my god!!! What possessed me to get another one after succesfully deleting it (for the second time)? Because all myspace has to offer you is "friends" who will post
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
I LOVE YOU
comments on your profile
and "friends"
who post thousands of bulletins consisting of :
- chain letters (repost this or you'll be a virgin till you're 80 years old)
- conversations between a teenage couple breaking up (repost this or a girl with bloody eyeballs will burst through your bedroom walls at 3 AM and strangle you in your sleep with a rusty metal cord, avenging her boyfriend who killed her in the same way)
- A list of various types of candy, fruit, or condoms (repost with RED CONDOM if you are taken and in love)
- surveys (I know, I know, I used to fill these out all the time, but I have since realized that most people don't really care what you ate for breakfast that morning, the shoes you're wearing, and what your desktop background is. Okay? If they really want to know, they'll ask you. But who honestly reads the "156 Questions and Answers About ME!!!!"
Yeah. Not a lot of people.)

In other words, MYSPACE SUCKS. One can only handle so many desperate high schoolers simply screaming for attention.

But anyways...my house is screaming for attention now. If I don't clean something before I leave today, my parents will crucify me.
And that, my friends, would not bring about very good results.

Thanks for reading.

love always,
emily

Just Kidding

Sorry. I would never drown myself.
In case you were worried.

I will, however, turn off my damn computer because everything I'm seeing is making me shake in fury.

Okay?
Bye.

emily

ahhh....death!!!!

There is such a lack of originality in this world
I think I am going to drown myself.

Goodbye, it's been fun

emily

Missed you Dearly

Oh my god, my beloved blog, it's been forever!!!!
Miss me?
Doubt it.
Non-existant blog readers...I'm back for now.
My absence is...unexplained. And shall remain that way.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I would really love to throw out the horrors of my personal life to this blog, but there are just too many people in cyberspace, many of which are totally undeserving of reading of the horrors of my personal life.
Therefore, I apologize, even though you probably wouldn't be interested in any of the horrific stories I have to tell anyways.

You must be much more interested in random ramblings by yours truly.
:)

I watched this movie on my computer today. Never done that before.
My old computer died on Good Friday (just like Jesus!!), and we finally purchased a new one a month or two later. A brand new (okay, I stand corrected, a 'refurbished') HP Computer, complete with many features that I love. Including a working DVD player.
I shall refrain from further details of my refurbished computer, due to lack of interest, and irrelevance to my main point.
My main point being, I watched this movie on my computer today.
M. Night Shyamalan's The Sixth Sense.
I have to confess to never, ever, seeing this movie before.
But it really is very good with an amazing twist at the end.
The good thing about me is, a good movie, combined with a promising thought, can really turn my sucky day around.

I love and miss you all,
emily

poetry

Again,
I feel the urge
to write a blog
about absolutely nothing
supposedly in verse
but not really
I've only just gotten
into random indentations

and line breaks

so i
look
like
a poet

but i'm really not.

Isn't it funny
how almost anything classifies as a poem
if it's written in some format like this.
but probably with slightly more structure and format.

but whatever

what I'm saying is,
based on some of the shit
i've seen
in high school,
the following
could classify
as
a
poem :

I fucking hate
you
you dirty
hobag burn
in hell forever.

but that
doesn't really sound
like much
of a poem.

Does it?

Love always,
eMiLy

Noise

My house is so loud I think my head is going to explode. Will someone please turn up the music just to cover up this NOISE?

My "bittersweet migraine" has turned into a real one.
And my geometry project awaits, unfinished.
This may be a late night.

Goodnight, dear non-existant blog readers.

love always,
emily

"bittersweet migraine"

What do you do when your dream-come-true turns out to be a nightmare?

I cried for about half an hour today. Never in a very long time has it been that refreshing. Who knew that telling the dead-honest truth (well, most of it) could be so liberating?

Love always,
Emily

p.s. My title is from a Green Day song, "Give Me Novocaine." It is incredible. Check it out.

music

i really like the songs
written with the purest pain and passion

you hear them and something inside you wants to curl up and cry forever and never stop.
because your heart's bleeding with all the pain you never knew you had

and nothing feels sweeter.

-EM

hey there delilah

I want you to go to www.purevolume.com/plainwhitets and listen to "Hey There Delilah." It is quite beautiful and perhaps you will become drawn into it as I have.

After I finish my global studies project tonight, I have a feeling life will taste much sweeter.

School + the middle of June = not a lotta fun
But there IS this closeness i start to feel with everyone only right now, as the year ends. Oh, the irony. We will all leave and forget about each other despite our promises to keep in touch. We will come back in August to discover that we no longer care.
ah, high school.

-emily

on another note ....

school sucks beyond words. let's all succumb to the old 2nd-grade fantasy of waking up to find that your school has been struck by a meteor.
Please.

I just erased three paragraphs because my mind has turned to such absolute nothing that all I can write is pointless drivel that has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

Sometimes I sound like a 14-year-old myspace addict who thinks she can write and so therefore she "pours her heart out" into pointless shitty blogs that are too tacky for words.

I have an essay to write tonight and this dumbshit blog is my form of procrastination.

All I can say is that I am expecting to be intensely relieved when the week of no sleep is over. Or when my school gets hit by a meteor.
Whichever comes first.

Procrastinatingly (I am disappointed to discover that this is not an actual word) yours,
emily

My day TODAY.

Life, on occasion, can be to weird for words.
Just a thought.

-emily

Gasping

Sometimes my family makes me want to kill myself*.
Really.
I'm telling you, I can only handle so much of the thousands of screaming children and the strangling parental control.

Will someone save me, please.

Love, Emily

*don't worry. I'm not suicidal. Please don't take my artistic liberties seriously.
I'm not going to say this again.

And all you do is run

Christ, I miss track.
The season officially ended today. (I got most improved AND the general's award. Who woulda thought?)
You'd think I could just get out and run, right? I guess. Laziness kind of owns me right now. Not a good thing, considering that I still have 2 and a half more fucking weeks of school and many projects, exams, and such. While I have friends freakin graduating today. 2 1/2 weeks is interminably long when everyone else you know is already swimming and sleeping in.

Excuse me while I shoot myself.

However, as I was saying, laziness is a problem now more than ever.
But all I wanna do is sleep, please?
I can't stay focused on my hours of homework.
Hence, I am writing this blog .

Thank you, nonexistant blog readers, for your continual support.

love always,
emily

I hate people

Just so you know ... I hate you all. People are just jerks. JERKS. (including me, but shhh on that!)
No not really I love people I just have a headache at the moment. Happy happy tuesday.

So guess what I did? I joined the track team! Strange move for me, youknow, considering that I HATE running and the mile run in grade school nearly killed me every quarter. And when I ran, even short distances, like say, 5 laps around the gym, I would swear to myself that in all my life, I would never join a track team. Running causes unbearable amounts of pain.

Well, look, I've become quite accustomed to pain lately.

Announcements at school scream out the message "JOIN TRACK!!! Informational meeting Tuesday at lunch!!!" I am so there. Something very posessed me to join the track team.
And thank god.

It is the most awesome thing I've done in a long while! I mean, DANG!!! Just running.....and of course the 40 minutes of stretching and warm up just make you feel so GOOD!!! And then all the other crap in your life is kinda forgotten ... and you just run.

I'm gonna be way sore tomorrow, mind you.
But track is still awesome.

ACK...gotta go...siblings are going crazy...

!~emily~!

Happy Birthday to Michael.

Welcome to my first blog. It won't be incredibly enjoyable, because my eyes hurt, and it's hard to write when your eyes hurt. Cause, I mean, when your eyes hurt, you just feel gross and ugly and totally uninspired. For me, at least. ;)

I meant to start this "blogger" a few days ago. When I was in the mood to write. I had this whole funny story planned for my first official blog. It was totally interesting and might have even made you laugh, but I forgot the story. So I guess you'll just have to put up with this for now.

Well, today is my brother's birthday. He opened like 17 presents in about 5 minutes. I kinda just sat at the back end of the table and stared the whole time, cause, well, my eyes hurt. Many of my siblings went crazy over (!)presents(!) and tore them away from 5-year-old Michael before he could realize what they were. My Dad and my brother just sat there like men and my baby sister ate cake. My Mom took pictures. And then I did. The flash made me mad, because I really don't like the flash on that camera. It's quite hard to use, and gives me lots of issues.

And that, my friends, was a segment of my totally cool and interesting life. Come back soon for more entertaining tales.

"Never allow the absence of good let you ever deny its existence."

!~emily~!