6.30.2008

Thoughtful Q&A

Posting for the Sake of Posting

23 Deep Questions...

1) What is more difficult for you; looking into some one's eyes when you are telling someone how you feel, or looking into some one's eyes when they are telling you how they feel?
The latter


2) Think of the last time you were REALLY angry.

Sunday morning I was shaking in anger and could barely breathe. Parent issues.


3) You are on a flight from Honolulu to Chicago non-stop. There is a fire in the back of the plane.

Panic.

4) You are at the doctor's office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one week to live.

(A) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die?
First, I panic. And then, yes. Then I panic some more
(B) What do you do with your remaining days?
Panic!!
(C) Would you be afraid?
absolutely!

5) You can have one of the following two things: trust/love.

Fun is more attractive than stability. Love! According to my definition of love, it doesn't exist without trust anyways.

6) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street.
If the canal's shallow enough, I'd save it. But I would never risk my life for a dog.

7)Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired, What do you do?
Become very dedicated to being ten minutes early to work every day. Shortly after that, I would sleep through my alarm clock again and if I didn't have a soft-hearted boss, I'd be out of a job.

8) If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
Cieza, Spain, of course!

8) Who's the last person who you really knew that died?
My grandma

(A) You have the chance to give them 1 hour of life back, but you have to give one year of your life.

Would you?
um...no. That sounds mean, but they'd spend that hour of their life in pain in a hospital bed. Come on.

9) Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
I've been wondring that for a while. I don't know. I think I would actually really clash with myself. We both have a desperate urge for dominance and for being somehow different or better than everyone else around, so we'd have quite a time getting along. Plus we'd end up liking the same guys at the same time, which would doubtlessly hurt very badly for the both of us. And because we'd both pride ourselves on our unique red hair, we'd be furious to see the exact same shade on someone else's head. So no, I'm sorry to say, I think I would hate myself.

10) Your best friend(s) dies, what would you do?
I would most certainly panic.

11) When was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
hmmm...last Sunday, maybe. Lately, telling some people what I truly think would cause quite a bit of trouble. It's better, sometimes, I think to keep my mouth shut.

12) What would be harder, for you to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?
Telling them I love them. I've done the latter a few times already. The former...impossibly hard for me.

13) Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them?
Yesterday. My previous answer is not applicable to saying "I love you" to my girlfriends.

14) If you had to go back in time and change one thing, if you HAD to, even if you had "no regrets" what would it be?
Well, gosh. I wouldn't change anything huge, because I have no desire to alter things from the way they are know. But I might have tried to hold back less from my friends in Spain. I only spent 6 days with them, and even that was two years ago, but I haven't forgotten them since.

15) Imagine: It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear some one walking around out side; Who do you call?
I'd be too damn panicked to call anyone.

16) Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
I would if I knew CPR...

17) Are you old fashioned?
I guess not because I got in this heated discussion with my mother today about how I don't know how to sew, and how I have absolutely no desire to ever even learn how to sew. So of course I'm not old fashioned. I'm blogging, for goodness' sakes.

18) Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
Unfortunately, the path of the heartbreak would probably lead to some really soul-scarring writing. And I mean that in the best way possible. Never loving is like living life not ever fully awake...I most certainly wouldn't choose that. Love is a bitch, but hey, it sure makes you feel alive.

19) If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you do?
I don't really get the difference. And I don't want to sit around wishing for my fairy godmother to bring me my beautiful princess dress and glass slippers, so...whatever. I'm ignoring this question.

20) Think of everyone you know, would you prefer to only have never met one of them or to lose them all but one?
That is one of the most awkwardly phrased questions I have ever read. I don't even want to think about it.

21) Have you ever truly experienced love?
After a lot of that, yes, I'm pretty sure I have. It was a lot more angst than fun.

22) What hurts you the most emotionally, when you let yourself down or when you let the ones you care about down?
The latter.

23) Is there someone that you believe you will always be attached to, whether you love them or not, they will just always be in the back of your mind?
Possibly. But time heals just about all stuff like that.

6.09.2008

First Monday of My No-More-High-School Summer

Lame? Maybe.


Well, damn. This is how my first official day of summer is going: sleeping in and wondering what the fuck I am going to do today, but hoping that whatever it is, it will be productive. Then I think about the high school yearbook that I have to finish creating, even though I graduated three days ago. I scoff at myself for being so pathetic, but I actually kind of look forward to going to school to work on it. My Mom comes downstairs and is completely incredulous that I am still in bed at ten thirty in the morning, even though I’ve slept at least that late on just about every single day off I’ve had in the past four years. Much later, I finally pull myself out of my bed, telling myself that even though it is summer and I don’t yet have a job, I’ve got to do something productive, god damn it, else I get wildly depressed. I start getting ready, then my Mom’s downstairs again (she’s got this awful habit of popping in and out of my bedroom every morning) telling me I need to get upstairs and start cleaning something.

Sigh…

So I end up procrastinating and cleaning the kitchen about 2 hours later, at which point my mother has become very angry at me for being so damn lazy and slow. Then I get annoyed and spend the rest of the afternoon hating my house and everyone in it. (Okay, a little extreme, I know. I’d say as a teenager, I’m still entitled to a little angst, but in all honesty, I’m really not. No matter how old I am, life is way too short for me to be hating it.)

After I finally clean the kitchen, I finish getting ready, taking the time to curl my hair because I actually have the time. Then I get a ride from my Mom to the high school I’ve just graduated from. (If any written sentence shows how much of a loser I am, that one wins hands down.) And what do I discover but that my magnificent yearbook staff (which includes three people besides myself, most of whom rarely actually work on the yearbook) isn’t even staying after school. Oh, wonderful. So I showed up to school for nothing.

I leave, feeling mildly depressed, because damn, what am I going to do now? And what the hell am I going to do with the rest of this aimless summer? I am going to go to college next year, and Oh My Dear God, my life is going to suck from this point onwards.

At that point, I decide that I need to get out. Do something besides staying at home feeling like a loser.

So here I am at a coffee shop recounting my nothing of a day! Here’s my new solution to life’s problems--coffee shops and laptops. Together. Writing, caffeine, and getting the hell out of my house can almost always improve my mood, no matter how shitty it is. Few things make me feel more confident and hopeful about life than a good strong coffee and my own [attempt at] dexterous use of the English language.

*****

Now I’m thinking about going out to buy a new ipod tonight. Is making this sudden decision to go and spend 300 dollars a bad idea? You bet it is. But guess what? I’ve got a lot of graduation money and a new checking account. So, new ipod it is! I’ve got a pink 4GB ipod nano right now. But there are two things wrong with it: One, it’s pink, and two, it’s only 4GB. This holds not-even-one-quarter of my music collection. I’m making a really solid effort to further develop my musical taste, and this cute little ipod nano has been wonderful, but it just isn’t doing enough to help me. So I’ve been dreaming lately about a solid black 80GB.

Let’s see how soon I regret buying it.

*****

Damn it all. I was supposed to be spending this time at Starbuck’s writing an article for the senior yearbook pages. It’s proving to be a lot more difficult than I thought. So this is why writers talk so much about staring blankly at their computer screens. I’m finding out that that it is quite an awful feeling. It’s easy to write, but writing well is something entirely different. And this Class of 2008 article has got to kick ass.

I think I’m going to need a lot more caffeine.

Wish me luck. I’ll post it when I’m done.