First Monday of My No-More-High-School Summer

Lame? Maybe.

Well, damn. This is how my first official day of summer is going: sleeping in and wondering what the fuck I am going to do today, but hoping that whatever it is, it will be productive. Then I think about the high school yearbook that I have to finish creating, even though I graduated three days ago. I scoff at myself for being so pathetic, but I actually kind of look forward to going to school to work on it. My Mom comes downstairs and is completely incredulous that I am still in bed at ten thirty in the morning, even though I’ve slept at least that late on just about every single day off I’ve had in the past four years. Much later, I finally pull myself out of my bed, telling myself that even though it is summer and I don’t yet have a job, I’ve got to do something productive, god damn it, else I get wildly depressed. I start getting ready, then my Mom’s downstairs again (she’s got this awful habit of popping in and out of my bedroom every morning) telling me I need to get upstairs and start cleaning something.

Sigh…

So I end up procrastinating and cleaning the kitchen about 2 hours later, at which point my mother has become very angry at me for being so damn lazy and slow. Then I get annoyed and spend the rest of the afternoon hating my house and everyone in it. (Okay, a little extreme, I know. I’d say as a teenager, I’m still entitled to a little angst, but in all honesty, I’m really not. No matter how old I am, life is way too short for me to be hating it.)

After I finally clean the kitchen, I finish getting ready, taking the time to curl my hair because I actually have the time. Then I get a ride from my Mom to the high school I’ve just graduated from. (If any written sentence shows how much of a loser I am, that one wins hands down.) And what do I discover but that my magnificent yearbook staff (which includes three people besides myself, most of whom rarely actually work on the yearbook) isn’t even staying after school. Oh, wonderful. So I showed up to school for nothing.

I leave, feeling mildly depressed, because damn, what am I going to do now? And what the hell am I going to do with the rest of this aimless summer? I am going to go to college next year, and Oh My Dear God, my life is going to suck from this point onwards.

At that point, I decide that I need to get out. Do something besides staying at home feeling like a loser.

So here I am at a coffee shop recounting my nothing of a day! Here’s my new solution to life’s problems--coffee shops and laptops. Together. Writing, caffeine, and getting the hell out of my house can almost always improve my mood, no matter how shitty it is. Few things make me feel more confident and hopeful about life than a good strong coffee and my own [attempt at] dexterous use of the English language.

*****

Now I’m thinking about going out to buy a new ipod tonight. Is making this sudden decision to go and spend 300 dollars a bad idea? You bet it is. But guess what? I’ve got a lot of graduation money and a new checking account. So, new ipod it is! I’ve got a pink 4GB ipod nano right now. But there are two things wrong with it: One, it’s pink, and two, it’s only 4GB. This holds not-even-one-quarter of my music collection. I’m making a really solid effort to further develop my musical taste, and this cute little ipod nano has been wonderful, but it just isn’t doing enough to help me. So I’ve been dreaming lately about a solid black 80GB.

Let’s see how soon I regret buying it.

*****

Damn it all. I was supposed to be spending this time at Starbuck’s writing an article for the senior yearbook pages. It’s proving to be a lot more difficult than I thought. So this is why writers talk so much about staring blankly at their computer screens. I’m finding out that that it is quite an awful feeling. It’s easy to write, but writing well is something entirely different. And this Class of 2008 article has got to kick ass.

I think I’m going to need a lot more caffeine.

Wish me luck. I’ll post it when I’m done.