Why I Suck at College

Oh, Academia...

College so far isn't particularly difficult. But I am certainly annoyed by some of it.

My creative writing class, for instance, is kind of ridiculous. I've been hinting at majoring in creative writing, though I'm not sure how good of a fit it is for me. For one thing, I usually hate poetry. I see poetry as some awful form of writing that purposefully butchers the English language and stretches metaphor to a truly agonizing level. Call me stuck up, but if one wants to write well, I think they should get a good handle on their prose. But of course that's just me. Every other English major I've met seems to be crazy about poetry. That is to say, they can write whatever the hell they want, chop it up with stanzas and line breaks, eliminate the punctuation, and call it art. I don't particularly agree with that.

I'm not sure if creative writing is my ideal major, because in all honesty, I'm not very gifted when it comes to the creativity department. I realize that could be a significant problem for a writer. How can I get anywhere with my writing if I can't make up cool stuff? The fact of the matter is, though, I don't want to make anything up. Ever since I started writing, I've been writing only of reality. I guess it goes to show how arrogant I am, because everything I've ever written has been factual events and emotion of my own life. I'm not really sure how to write anything else. Even when I'm forced to write fiction, I end up writing about my own life, just with different names.

But I want to think that's a good thing. If I don't write what I know and feel, what the hell am I supposed to write?

I'm really not sure that I belong in academia. I like college, but I hate class. I loved my past two years of high school, but I always hated the 65 minute class periods. It's funny that I have always wanted to be a teacher. I wonder -- will I end up loving my job but hating class? Is that possible?

I suppose one reason I want to teach is to create a classroom that doesn't suck so much. Class doesn't have to be the academic equivalent of hell. I know this because I have had a few teachers and classes that I like. I've encountered four or five teachers that I have adored very much. Those teachers are certainly few and far between, but there is no reason that I should not strive to emulate them and inspire others in the way that they have inspired me. For years, I have felt compelled to be a good teacher. I'd like to be able to beat around academia's bullshit and be able to affect and inspire others in a unique way. More importantly, I'd like to someday treat students as humans and not as maggots. This is why I'm deciding to drag myself through college.

I'm not on a quest to learn everything there is about this world. That's impossible, and frankly, who cares about it? I guess what I'm fascinated by is humanity. Teaching is one of the best ways I can think of to dive right into it.